Missing Christmas and Other Ponderings

This year we didn’t celebrate Advent in the way we have typically done in the past and I think that contributed heavily to feeling as though somehow we “missed” Christmas. Advent began and ended with the deaths of two of my mentors and I think that contributed to the melancholy that settled on me and overshadowed much of the holiday season. I didn’t begin to feel like it was truly Christmas until after the day itself had passed. What turned the season around for me was the time spent with friends in this period between Christmas and Epiphany known as “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. I will be much more intentional about celebrating this part of the season in years to come. I will also be much more intentional about not skipping over Advent. I need that time to focus and get my mind out of the fog of responsibilities and obligations that come with preparing for the Christmas season.

 

Things that stick out in my mind as sweet moments from this time:

 

Clinging Matthew’s hand and singing together for the first time in at least twenty years as we celebrated the life of a woman who had been a mentor to us both

 

A group of 5 or 6 of us, huddled together in our grief, as they took her from the building for the last time…friends still, supporting each other as she taught us

 

Watching Taylor and the pure joy he sees the world with

 

Watching Ben and Taylor interact and seeing brotherly love

 

Doing a puzzle with my crazy family and laughing until it hurt

 

Seeing Cherri and Lil Dave even though they were at work so it had to be all too brief

 

Meeting for the 7^th year in a row with another group of friends from my high school days and enjoying the annual bonding

 

Seeing John for the first time in decades and being able to throw my arms around his neck and give him the hug that I wanted to when he returned safely from Gulf War I

 

Watching Dave with his children and getting to see a side of him that we rarely ever see

 

Holding Rory

 

Brunch with Stephanie and Brian, Mama Katherine and the kids

 

Meeting Debba’s new beau and seeing the difference in how he treats her and how she interacts with him and knowing that it is likely that this is “the one”

 

Finally choosing to make a phone call and ask a question I should have asked months ago the answer makes me feel foolish for waiting so long and sorry I missed seeing Mack based on misinformation

 

Visiting Mrs. A with Amy and Samantha and Jessica and knowing that for a few hours we eased the pain of missing Murray for all of us.

 

Spending the evening at Incredible Pizza with the tech kids laughter is such a healing gift.

 

New Years Afternoon at the Range with Aubree, Jason, Harold and David

 

New Years Eve watching old episodes of Buck Rogers with Jason, David, Jess and Harold

 

The last several days since New Years I have spent being very introspective and working on changes I’d like to make in my life to create space for more moments like these. For too long I’ve hidden behind my chaotic house and my even more chaotic schedule and avoided spending time with the people I care about. No more. I don’t want to look back and see missed opportunities to be with those I love. I may have “missed Christmas” but somehow I “got the message” anyway.