Emotional Blackmail -- A book review

Recently I've been reading "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward. I started reading it because the subtitle "When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You" describes several relationships I am in right now. I began reading the book seeking advice on how to deal with those people who are emotionally blackmailing me and I found that, but I also found that I am guilty of emotionally blackmailing others. This book has been both liberating and convicting. That for me is the mark of a balanced "self-help" book.

Too much of the self-help genre is written in such a way that it rewards victim status. It is not liberating for the reader but rather a marketing vehicle for the author to encourage the reader to purchase more of their various related products: workbooks, audio tapes, perpetual calendars. An entire industry has grown up around this genre. One of the things I found particularly refreshing about Dr. Forward's book can be summed up in this quote from the introduction to the second section of the book. The section on "Turning Understanding into Action" This is the section in most books where the author tells you you need to attend her seminar, or purchase the companion workbook, or order the video series, or consult a therapist. Dr. Forward does little of that, only recommending a therapist in cases of active emotional or physical abuse or of past child sexual, physical or emotional abuse. To everyone else she says, "It may sound odd for someone who has been a therapist for 25 years to tell you this, but you can do a lot of this work successfully on your own...All you'll need is courage and determination." The steps that she lays out in subsequent chapters are clear and doable and the reader is left with a sense of hope that they have within them the power to change themselves and in so doing to change their situations as well.

I highly recommend this book. It is positive, well-written and encouraging. This is a rare self-help book, one that is actually helpful.