Eating disorder…it still feels unreal to type that…to speak it out loud. Weight Problem is familiar and seems “safer” somehow. But eating disorder, wow, yet another in the plethora of diagnoses that would threaten to define me. Am I more than the sum of my disorders? Do the conditions I have define who I am? I feel as if they do. I feel so screwed up at times. Sexual Abuse survivor. PTSD sufferer. Domestic Violence survivor. Hypertensive. Hyperinsulinemic. Hyperlipidemic. Hypothyroid. Eating Disorder sufferer. I, who so want to be normal, am a walking PDR. I fight it. I fight it with a passion. I hate feeling weak. I hate being “sick.” I do not want pity. I want to be healed. I want to be whole. I feel cheated. Yet I know that God has promised that He will take this weight. He promised that I would be delivered from it. I have to trust that promise and I have to do MY part in seeing that promise fulfilled. I have to take care of my health. And whatever it takes to do that, I will do. Including accepting the fact that I have an eating disorder. Including eating every two hours. Including checking my sugar 4 times a day. I will beat this. I will. With God’s help and my support team behind me, I WILL beat this thing. I choose life. I will NOT die. I refuse!

Even now God is being faithful to his promise that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. I have a deeper level of credibility with the kids because they see me struggling and being willing to be accountable to THEM even though they’re “just kids” and they are growing in their faith because of it. The promise of Romans 8:28 has not failed me yet.

God has anointed me to proclaim freedom to the captives. But I must be free myself to be able to lead others to freedom. This area is still holding me bound. It is going to be broken. The weapons I fight with are not the weapons of this world; on the contrary they have divine power to abolish strongholds. This stronghold WILL fall. In the name of Jesus!